The War Against Scotland: Ronald McDonald

Posted on May 25 2011 - 1:00am by Harrison

He's mean and wants to make Junior fat.

When does a Happy Meal make you unhappy?  When you’re made to feel guilty about letting Junior order one because it contains meat or a toy.  Ronald McDonald has been scheduled for termination by various Thought Control Liberal advocacy groups.  Some of them even have titles so they sound very official.

You really should listen to people with titles… they know better.

Ronald might look happy on the outside but he’s really crying on the inside for all of the pain and suffering he’s inflicting upon the world’s population.

We all know people start smoking because the Marlboro Man looked so, well, manly.  People eat junk food because Chester Cheetah looks so cool.  And show a video of a Toyota Penis driving by some daisies and it must be environmentally friendly.

And people go to McDonald’s because of Ronald McDonald and his “law and order” social policy as enforced by Mayor McCheese keeping the Hamburgler locked away in Gitmo.

The letter to McDonald’s says, in part:

We ask that you heed our concern and retire your marketing promotions for food high in salt, fat, sugar, and calories to children, whatever form they take – from Ronald McDonald to toy giveaways.

Is there really a difference between this...

Does anybody polish off an entire container of Häagen-Dazs ice cream and honestly believe they are eating healthy?  Or if you scarf down an entire Pizza Hut Stuffed Crust pizza and feel bloated and sick afterwards do you just not remember that next time?

Liberals object to the unholy power of Ronald McDonald to possess parents into bringing their kids to their restaurants to gorge on French fries and soda so they can get fat and teach them a lifetime of unhealthy eating habits so they can suffer from congestive heart failure in their 50s.

There is another character who, though similar to Ronald McDonald in his hypnotic powers does not upset Liberals.  His name is Barack Obama.  Like McDonald, Obama has an extensive marketing campaign under his belt, his own slogans (Hope and Change), and pretty posters with his likeness on it created by supporters.  Both McDonald and Obama promise to give people things for free (toys or healthcare) and both say that people “deserve a break today.”

Like McDonald’s, Obama even has someone appointed to help “control” his image on the Internet and around the world.

One carries a message that must be destroyed while the other’s words are taken as gospel and shouted from every hilltop.

Perhaps Liberals should ask themselves why so many more people are eating at McDonald’s since Obama has become president.  It’s because they’re unemployed and broke and eating hamburgers and French fries is better than savoring one organically grown Brussels Sprout from Whole Foods that costs $2.

Liberals don’t really support ideals they only support messages and only those they agree with.  So it’s okay for President Obama to ignore the War Powers Act now that we’ve been attacking Libya for 60 days because we’re not really doing much there even though we’re trying to kill that country’s leader.  If a Republican had used such an excuse there’d be Congressional hearings and calls for impeachment.

McDonald’s is simply giving the consumer what they want.  Liberals don’t like it when people are free to make choices – good or bad – because they always think they know better.  That’s why in cities such as San Francisco Happy Meals have been banned.  We all know that if you deny a little kid who doesn’t understand politics a toy he will turn against the evil Ronald McDonald and not want to go there anymore.  Perhaps he will even lecture his parents on why they shouldn’t be taking him to such an evil place to begin with and how they are being irresponsible caregivers.

You have to start the indoctrination when they’re young or they might develop their own ideas and start thinking for themselves.

...and this?

Messages spring from ideals but in being against ideals but not (certain) messages, Liberals will never actually have any moral high ground, they’ll just continue to look like big whiny babies who resort to things like boycotts and protests until the person or company doing what they dislike surrenders.

Let’s take the Liberal group Media Matters, for example.  They’ve been trying to get a group of large advertisers to pull their ads from Fox News.  They tried to force the travel website Orbitz to remove their money from Fox.  Here’s what Orbitz’s PR guy Brian Hoyt had to say to that:

We have a strict policy of tolerance and non-discrimination, and that means we don’t favor one political side over another.  Tolerance is a two-way street.  We’re going to advertise on conservative TV stations, liberal TV stations and — if there are any out there — unbiased news broadcasts.

Tolerance is a two way street.  Unfortunately, Liberals only live on an expressway whose destination is Telling You What to Do Ville.

So while they might turn against Ronald McDonald they’ll never turn against their mascots (Obama for now).

17 Comments so far. Feel free to join this conversation.

  1. Don E. Chute May 25, 2011 at 3:19 AM -

    Good to see we are both on the save Ronald bandwagon! These ‘Liberal Advocacy’ namby-pamby groups are nothing more than an Evil ‘ism’s’ front(s).

    Operating under the guise of the ‘good for all’ mantra. Screw them!

    Soros [EVIL] backs Obama, Soros [EVIL]wages war against FOX! Where does that agenda lead, hummm?


  2. Steve Dennis May 25, 2011 at 4:09 AM -

    Yeah liberals believe in tolerance, they believe that they are right and that we should tolerate them. Great post and thanks for the link.

  3. jonapope May 25, 2011 at 5:28 AM -

    If the government believes in equal opportunity then why don’t they go after Jack in the Box, the Carl’s Jr. star, the Wendy’s girl, Tony the Tiger etc?

    And what makes the government think they are wise enough to make our choices for us? Can’t they examine their own miserable track record and see that they are poor decision makers? I agree with your point though, I know that when I go to McDonald’s I’m not eating healthy. But if I want to eat healthy I would go to a salad bar or something.

    • Harrison May 25, 2011 at 9:01 AM -

      I think going after the burger “king” would help spread Democracy.

  4. Jack Camwell May 25, 2011 at 5:36 AM -

    Well, I don’t see a whole lot of 8 year old kids going through the drive through and spending their hard earned dollars on happy meals.

    Personal responsibility. My kids aren’t fat because I’m smart enough to tell them no 9/10 times when they ask to go to McDonalds. And because I’m the parent, in control of both the car and the money, they only get McDonalds when I say so.

    It’s pretty totalitarian in my view to tell a company that it can’t include toys with its food. The problem with liberals is that the freedom of choice for them is only valid as long as you’re making the “right” choice. The right choice being, of course, whatever they say it is.

    • Harrison May 25, 2011 at 8:59 AM -

      This group wants their mascot to step down. That’s absurd.

  5. Dean May 25, 2011 at 12:03 PM -

    The choice to single out Ronald McDonald is a curious one because I haven’t seen him in any adverts in years. Am I missing something? In fact, Grimace, Ham Burglar and the rest of the old gang have been MIA for years now, no?

    Harrison, loved the Obama R-Mac comparison. Well played, my friend.

    • Harrison May 25, 2011 at 1:09 PM -

      Cheers Dean. One guy is a clown the other works for McDonald’s.

  6. Matt May 25, 2011 at 7:22 PM -

    All of this because we are too dumb to make our own decisions? Pretty much, according to our would-be “progressive” overlords.

  7. Subliberal July 25, 2011 at 10:41 PM -

    Fact: most liberals I know are seething mad at Obama because they consider him to be a rightwing Wall Street puppet.

    Another Fact: right wing commentators cannot tell a liberal from a hole in the ground.

    Much commentary fail on your part.

    • Harrison July 25, 2011 at 10:46 PM -

      You must have had an Unhappy Meal.

  8. Kevin Sushka August 29, 2011 at 8:39 PM -

    I tend to think liberals indoctrinate too much, too, and babble a whole lot. They are a walking battle of words and an embodiment of label-phobia. And you are very right, they have grandiose titles, like the ones Le Petit Prince hates in Exupery’s French classic of modern literature by the same name. Alas, politics in the USA has become such a figurative war zone in recent years that I resultantly avoid it. I applaud your efforts to make a real difference.

    • Harrison August 30, 2011 at 12:52 AM -

      We must all do what we can.

      • Kevin Sushka September 1, 2011 at 6:17 PM -

        You know, I have thought about it for 24 hours, and I see what you mean. People have made McDonald’s a scapegoat for health hazards, in their own ignorance. Oh well, very small epiphany for me. That’s interesting, Harrison.

        • Harrison September 1, 2011 at 6:20 PM -

          Would you like fries with that?

  9. Brandon Eaker December 25, 2012 at 9:55 AM -

    Seriously!? No one saw it? “Toyota Penis” instead of Prius…LOLOLOLOLOL