When does a Happy Meal make you unhappy? When you’re made to feel guilty about letting Junior order one because it contains meat or a toy. Ronald McDonald has been scheduled for termination by various Thought Control Liberal advocacy groups. Some of them even have titles so they sound very official.
You really should listen to people with titles… they know better.
Ronald might look happy on the outside but he’s really crying on the inside for all of the pain and suffering he’s inflicting upon the world’s population.
We all know people start smoking because the Marlboro Man looked so, well, manly. People eat junk food because Chester Cheetah looks so cool. And show a video of a Toyota Penis driving by some daisies and it must be environmentally friendly.
And people go to McDonald’s because of Ronald McDonald and his “law and order” social policy as enforced by Mayor McCheese keeping the Hamburgler locked away in Gitmo.
The letter to McDonald’s says, in part:
We ask that you heed our concern and retire your marketing promotions for food high in salt, fat, sugar, and calories to children, whatever form they take – from Ronald McDonald to toy giveaways.
Does anybody polish off an entire container of Häagen-Dazs ice cream and honestly believe they are eating healthy? Or if you scarf down an entire Pizza Hut Stuffed Crust pizza and feel bloated and sick afterwards do you just not remember that next time?
Liberals object to the unholy power of Ronald McDonald to possess parents into bringing their kids to their restaurants to gorge on French fries and soda so they can get fat and teach them a lifetime of unhealthy eating habits so they can suffer from congestive heart failure in their 50s.
There is another character who, though similar to Ronald McDonald in his hypnotic powers does not upset Liberals. His name is Barack Obama. Like McDonald, Obama has an extensive marketing campaign under his belt, his own slogans (Hope and Change), and pretty posters with his likeness on it created by supporters. Both McDonald and Obama promise to give people things for free (toys or healthcare) and both say that people “deserve a break today.”
Like McDonald’s, Obama even has someone appointed to help “control” his image on the Internet and around the world.
One carries a message that must be destroyed while the other’s words are taken as gospel and shouted from every hilltop.
Perhaps Liberals should ask themselves why so many more people are eating at McDonald’s since Obama has become president. It’s because they’re unemployed and broke and eating hamburgers and French fries is better than savoring one organically grown Brussels Sprout from Whole Foods that costs $2.
Liberals don’t really support ideals they only support messages and only those they agree with. So it’s okay for President Obama to ignore the War Powers Act now that we’ve been attacking Libya for 60 days because we’re not really doing much there even though we’re trying to kill that country’s leader. If a Republican had used such an excuse there’d be Congressional hearings and calls for impeachment.
McDonald’s is simply giving the consumer what they want. Liberals don’t like it when people are free to make choices – good or bad – because they always think they know better. That’s why in cities such as San Francisco Happy Meals have been banned. We all know that if you deny a little kid who doesn’t understand politics a toy he will turn against the evil Ronald McDonald and not want to go there anymore. Perhaps he will even lecture his parents on why they shouldn’t be taking him to such an evil place to begin with and how they are being irresponsible caregivers.
You have to start the indoctrination when they’re young or they might develop their own ideas and start thinking for themselves.
Messages spring from ideals but in being against ideals but not (certain) messages, Liberals will never actually have any moral high ground, they’ll just continue to look like big whiny babies who resort to things like boycotts and protests until the person or company doing what they dislike surrenders.
Let’s take the Liberal group Media Matters, for example. They’ve been trying to get a group of large advertisers to pull their ads from Fox News. They tried to force the travel website Orbitz to remove their money from Fox. Here’s what Orbitz’s PR guy Brian Hoyt had to say to that:
We have a strict policy of tolerance and non-discrimination, and that means we don’t favor one political side over another. Tolerance is a two-way street. We’re going to advertise on conservative TV stations, liberal TV stations and — if there are any out there — unbiased news broadcasts.
Tolerance is a two way street. Unfortunately, Liberals only live on an expressway whose destination is Telling You What to Do Ville.
So while they might turn against Ronald McDonald they’ll never turn against their mascots (Obama for now).